thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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