Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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