Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So much rum. So many feels.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
