guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He passed out mid-signature
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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