Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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