last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize