i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
