it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
