haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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