Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
