Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
