didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
