For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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