I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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