So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
