ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
