How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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