Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
