she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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