We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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