my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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