ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
