so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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