Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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