i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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