Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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