I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
