A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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