Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize