when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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