My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
even my farts smell like vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
