just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
