My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
