Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
