Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
