Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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