what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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