I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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