everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
