i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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