I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
