he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
