you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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