i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
