Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
