i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
