Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
