I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
