There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize