you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
