I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
