i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
