I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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