She said her name was "party"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
