You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
