WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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