As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize