I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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