I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
