I think i sorta joined a cult last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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