i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
