i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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