I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize