Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
