I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
