So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
