somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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