We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize