So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
