Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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