pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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