It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
